Messages to Mentors

I was thinking for a while about what it means to be in a mentor-mentee relationship, and what the unwritten rules of this relationship are. As thoughts started to pile, I thought I should put them on paper and post here - to facilitate your reflections around the topic.

So here it is - my finalized (but not final) list of messages to you, mentors:

Mentorship is a two-way street: you will get as much as you give. I've heard this saying a few days back, and the idea has stuck with me: "What I am to be, I am now becoming." No one expects that you are perfect in your mentor role, shortcomings are essential, and growth is an important component of this process. Mentorship requires courage, not only from a mentee, but also from a mentor, to be able to face and acknowledge their own shortcomings. Be okay to receive feedback. Think back to your experiences working with students so far. What have you learned from these experiences? What have you learned about yourselves as individuals and as mentors? Are you okay with the feedback you've been getting so far (verbal or non-verbal), and how does that influence your own growth as academic mentors?

This leads to the next line of messages:

As a mentor, you have to know yourself. You have to know what you stand for, and that will influence what your mentee stands for. You have to know what your values are, and how you communicate them. Do you value honesty, work ethic, or integrity most? How do your behaviors communicate these values? Are you explicit about them in your messages, attitudes, and actions? Continue reflecting on these as each one of them makes impact on your students.

As a mentor, you also have to think how you cultivate the stories. Are you curious about your mentee? If you like someone, they will like you back. Be available (I know it's hard, but make time to be available). Strive to make those around you important. This note is especially important, and it ties back to our previous discussion around building the self-worth and self-confidence, breaking stereotypes, and facilitating the trusting relationship with your mentee.

We are who we are through other people. Think of mentors in your own lives, people that affected your decisions, choices, paths. What were the messages they sent you? What sort of behaviors they cultivated in you? How did they go about influencing you? Think of your own experiences as mentees and how these experiences affected your current mentoring relationships. Think of the messages you find yourself repeating to your mentees. How did they come to life, and how did you grow into accepting them as your own?

Lastly, think of the biggest message you send to your students through two-three months or semester of academic mentoring. Are you igniting the life-long learners, individuals passionate about biology/chemistry/math, or those interested in making good? The one thing I've heard the other day that stayed with me: become an interesting person. What is one or two things that will ignite in you that interesting person? College is the time to identify these one-two things, and pave your way to them. I hope this message is also among the many others you send to your mentees.